Ditch the Flowers This Mother's Day!
When it comes to Mother's Day, is it really chocolates, flowers and some bubble bath that moms are hankering? Or does your mom's heart desire for something else? What a mom really wants are things that might not actually be reality... but it is nice to dream...
12 Weeks Paid Parental Leave
Picture the scene - you and your partner are lounging peacefully with your sleeping newborn. Why? Because you have fully-paid parental leave for a beautiful twelve weeks so you can both be there with the baby. Because surely no mom needs the financial worry of not being paid for three months on top of newborn woes? A little wage compensation for leave of absence is all we're asking. Could there be a greater gift? Probably not.
A Facebook Filter for Smug Moms
Seriously, we just don't need to see a bazillion photos of your seventeenth child hogging our Facebook news feed. Nor do we need to see your Pinterest-perfect craft projects which make us feel like second-rate citizens. While an auto-unfriend feature might be a bit drastic, a simple smug-mom filter would fit the bill nicely.
24 Hours Without a Tantrum
We get we're asking kids to dig deep here, but you know what would leave moms in seventh heaven this Mother's Day? Being 100% certain, that for just one day, they would be able to relax in the knowledge that they wouldn't have to navigate a temper tantrum. No flailing, no screaming, no kicking. This little gem of a gift would probably add ten years to mom's life too.
A No-Butt-Wiping Coupon
Moms love their kids, but seriously, sometimes love does have its limits! Is your kid five and still doesn't know how to wipe himself? Or maybe you're just totally over wiping butts in general? We reckon moms would fight tooth and nail to get their hands on a no-butt-wiping coupon (preferably with no expiration date) and the promise of a child who knows how to wipe to absolute perfection.
A Date Without Drama
A fancy schmancy brunch? A picnic at the park? A day at the spa? Sure, these things are all sweet but you know what a mom really wants from a Mother's Day date? No mama scenes, no in-law drama, no grandparent folly, and strictly no farcical moments conjured up by the outside world. Preferably on a hilltop somewhere.
Multiple Visits to the Toilet...Alone
Do you know when the last time a mom went to toilet to take a pee alone was? No? Neither does she. This Mother's Day, give her the gift of alone time in the bathroom, without any number of children climbing on her. If you really want to make her feel special, give her a whole half an hour in there alone so she can read a chapter of that book she started a lifetime ago.
A Don't Judge Me T-Shirt
Next time the weight of judgemental glare falls upon mom, give her the gift of being able to stop it right in its tracks without even having to utter a word. Let her clothes say it all with a Don't Judge Me T-Shirt. She'll finally have something to wear to the Mom-Judging Olympics (which she never signed up for, anyway).
Some Noise Cancelling Headphones
Make the endless arguing and headaches stop in an instant by giving mom a pair of noise cancelling headphones. She might still be able to see the crazy, but at least it will be more like a silent movie as opposed to a horror movie. After all, what you can't hear won't hurt you, right?
A School Run 'Get Out of Jail Free' Card
Bullying kids out of the house, hellish traffic, no parking, general morning crazies and cliquey moms. The ultimate in mom grinds, (otherwise known as the school run), could be made easier if you gave mom wings to fly with this Mother's Day. Since that's probably not even remotely an option, we say why not push the boat out and rustle up a 'Get Out of Jail Free Card' to whip out when merely surviving the run alone is not an option.
A Time Machine to Revisit Her Glory Days
Remember that youthful, carefree, gray-hairless party animal who used to come and go as she pleased, had a truckload of spare time, could stay up late and had to be a role model to absolutely nobody? Foggy memories of life before mom have now almost entirely been eradicated by visions of stinky diapers and the effects of sleep deprivation. Imagine the sweet satisfaction of being able to relive your glory days through time travel. But would you ever come back?
It's not too much to ask, is it?