Moving back in with parents can be a challenge, especially if you have been on your own for a while. The change can create new tensions, stresses, and issues where before there were none. To help make the process less stressful, follow these tips.
Pros and Cons of Moving Back in With Parents
The choice to move back in with your parents comes with many pros and cons. On one hand, you will probably save money living there and have their constant guidance and companionship. On the other hand, you might feel a loss of independence and unsure about what is acceptable under their roof and what is not. Regardless of whether the move was by choice or force, the new arrangement can be stressful.
Start With a Meeting
Starting off this arrangement with a meeting of the minds is proactive and responsible. You don't have to have every detail worked out but attempt to all get on the same page moving forward. Set up a second meeting to address all that will come up between now and then.
Ask Uncomfortable Questions
Asking parents awkward questions isn't at the top of anyone's, "Fun Things in Life" list. When moving back in with your 'rents, you may have to broach certain unpleasant subjects. Ask if your girlfriend is allowed to stay the night. Inquire if they want you home at a certain time or if you should still call them when you plan to stay out for the evening. Are you allowed to drink alcohol under their roof? Do they permit smoking? Being an adult and living with your parents is going to be different. You'll be learning a lot about each other that you never wanted to know!
Discuss New Arrangement With Important People in Your Life
Friends and significant others might be impacted by this move as well. If you had your own place before, pals might have come and gone, stayed over late into the evening, crashed on your couch, and ate your food. Let important people in your life know that things are changing. Friends will likely have to hang around less or leave earlier, and boyfriends or girlfriends may no longer be afforded the same freedoms of your space. (You might have to stay over at her place now!)
List the Positive Aspects
If you feel discouraged by moving in with your parents, and feel as if it is a setback in your life-plan, consider making a list of the positives that could come from the new living arrangement. Focusing on the good and not the bad can help you steer clear of depression and resentment. After creating a list of positive outcomes, place the list somewhere private. Take it out and look at it whenever you feel like you are struggling with life under your parents' roof.
Respect Their Rules
It's their house, and you'll be living under their rules, regardless of your age. While your parents are probably going to be more flexible with things such as curfew and appropriate television programming compared to your high school years, you will still have to adjust to life under their rule. Openly discuss any rules that you disagree on and try to work out a decent compromise. Even if you are sour over some rules of their home, remember that this living arrangement is not going to be forever.
Decide Financial Contributions up Front
Who is going to pay for what? Sit down with mom and dad and hash out the financials of moving back in with them. Will you be paying rent, helping with groceries or utilities, or paying to borrow one of their cars? Expect some expenses, especially if you are working. If you are not working, you may have to pick part-time work up in an area that you don't prefer until you land your dream job.
Part With Items You Don't Need
If you were on your own for a while, then you likely acquired plenty of stuff over time. Depending on the space that your parents are offering, you might want to consider parting with some unnecessary items. Moving back in with parents is a good time to purge and restart. If you have lots of furniture in your possession, think about renting a storage space for your stuff so that you don't clutter up your parents' home.
Hold Check-ins Once a Month
If you plan on staying in your parents' home for several months, it might be a good idea to hold monthly meetings and discuss whatever comes to mind. If there are tensions or stresses, they should be cleared up so that anger and resentment don't grow. If you are on the job hunt, update your parents on how it is going. They can ask you to help out with major upcoming projects (spring cleaning, Christmas decorating or renovations) during these meetings.
If you are working full time and helping with chores around the house, that is likely productive enough. If you are not working, make sure you fill your time with productive tasks. Devote your day to education or online courses to make you more marketable. Get your resume up to speed, look for jobs online and reach out to contacts in hopes of scoring work.
Help Out Around the Home
Don't be a freeloader and help out with things that you can. Take out the trash, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom that you use, and do your own laundry. If you are working, contribute money for groceries or buy your own and do your own cooking and dishes. When your parents leave town, bring the mail in and offer to take care of any household pets.
Enjoy Moments With Mom and Dad
You are living with your parents, not random roommates that you found on the internet, so try not to be ships in the night. Set aside time to interact with your parents throughout the week. Sit down together for a Sunday dinner or gather in the family room to watch a much-loved television program one night each week.
Have an End Goal in Sight
You don't want to live with your parents forever. It's good to have a plan regarding how long you'll living under their roof and when you plan to leave. Make a list of things that you want or need to accomplish before you can start making plans to live on your own again. These goals might include:
- Get a job
- Save up a certain amount of money
- Purchase a car
- Straighten out health concerns
The move may not be ideal, but it isn't all bad. Living in your parent's guest room or basement is nowhere near as bad as living in a homeless shelter or out on the streets. Stay grateful for their hospitality, no matter how stressful situations become. Plenty of others don't have the option to shack up with their parents and would do anything to be in your shoes.