Dads love a well-executed joke, and the cornier or more obvious, the better! These jokes and puns are guaranteed to make kids giggle, teens roll their eyes, and dad's partner sigh heavily as he throws yet another cheesy but clever dad joke out into the universe. Go dads! Get your joke on!
The Best Dad Jokes to Make Kids Laugh
A joke can ease tension, earn a laugh, and bond a father to his darlings. When joke-telling with children, the punchline doesn't have to be genius, it only has to be silly and understandable for the kids on the receiving end of the wisecrack. Try easy to understand jokes for little kids, and jokes that really get the mental wheels turning (and the eyes rolling) for older kids and teens.
1. Question: Why do fish wear bow ties?
Answer: To be so-fish-ticated.
2. Question: Why is the beach so friendly?
Answer: Because it always waves.
3. Question: How does a lemon answer the phone?
Answer: By saying, "Yellow!"
4. Question: How did the penguin build the birdhouse?
Answer: Iglooed it together.
5. Question: What did the baby computer call his parent computer?
Answer: His data.
6. Question: Why should you always have a first date at the gym?
Answer: To see if things will work out.
7. Question: Why are pigs the hardest animals to keep on a farm?
Answer: They are always disgruntled.
8. Question: Where do dads keep all of their funnies?
Answer: A joke dad-a-base.
9. Question: What do you call a bear that is missing his ears?
10. Question: How do you keep a bull from charging?
Answer: Remove all of their credit cards.
11. Question: What vegetation has trouble growing in forests?
Answer: Fungi, because they need so mushroom to thrive.
12. Question: Which hand is best to write with?
Answer: Neither! Leave the writing for pens and pencils.
13. Question: Why do you never tell secrets to pigs?
Answer: They are always the first ones to squeal.
14. Question: What do you always get on your birthday?
15. Question: Why did the fish take music lessons?
Answer: To better learn its scales.
Clever Dad Jokes for the Holidays
Whether you are gathering the family for Thanksgiving, celebrating the Christmas season, or dressing up to spook the neighborhood during Halloween, the holidays are prime times to slip in a few funny dad jokes. These ringers are sure to add to the holiday spirit and continue dad's reigning title as Champion of the Dad Jokes.
16. Question: Who are Santa's favorite women on Christmas?
Answer: Christmas Carols.
17. Question: Why did the Christmas tree fail the sewing class?
Answer: He dropped his needles.
18. Question: Why didn't Santa go down the chimney?
Answer: He was Claus-trophobic.
19. Question: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa on Christmas night?
Answer: You better take an umbrella, it looks like "rain," deer.
20. Question: What do you call a penniless Santa?
Answer: St. Nickel-less.
21. Question: What do you call a reindeer with no manners?
22. Question: What's a mummy's favorite music?
23. Question: Why didn't the ghost go to the party?
Answer: No body would be there.
24. Question: Why did the mummy miss Halloween?
Answer: He was all wrapped up with something else.
25. Question: What did you see when the werewolf bent over?
Answer: A full moon.
26. Question: What do dads and turkeys have in common?
Answer: They spend Thanksgiving day lying around totally stuffed.
27. Question: Why did the turkey fearlessly approach the hunter?
Answer: Because he was no turkey.
28. Question: Why did Dracula pass out on New Year's Eve?
Answer: He was down for the count.
29. Question: What is a thief's favorite holiday?
Answer: New Year's Eve, because he can steal a kiss.
30. Question: What is the best New Year's Eve snack?
Cheesy Dad Jokes to Serve Up Laughs During Meals
Gathering for family meals is an important family value to weave into your home culture. Dot the dining experience with a couple of food-related jokes that only dads can pull off.
31. Question: What is a robot's favorite food?
Answer: Bytes of chips.
32. Question: What do you call a noodle that can fly?
33. Question: What did mama corn say to baby corn?
Answer: Go find your popcorn!
34. Question: What beverage moves at the speed of light?
Answer: Milk! It's pasteurized before you blink.
35. Question: What is a skeleton's favorite dish at a bbq?
36. Question: Where did the pepper and the cucumber go after work?
Answer: To the salad bar.
37. Question: Why did the banana stay home?
Answer: He wasn't "peeling" up for a hangout.
38. Question: Where did the ice cream receive an education?
Answer: Sunday school.
39. Question: Which fruit always has a big wedding?
Answer: Melons, because they cantaloupe.
40. Question: Why did the cookie stay in bed all day?
Answer: He was feeling too crumby for school.
41. Question: Why are eggs always so tired?
Answer: Those long days really leave them fried.
42. Question: What did one pickle say to the other pickle when it was having a bad day?
Answer: Just dill with it.
43. Question: Who is the sweetest actor in all of Hollywood?
Answer: Robert Brownie Jr.
44. Question: What did the bread say to the peanut butter and jelly?
Answer: Stop spreading the news.
45. Question: What does an astronaut put on a sandwich?
Answer: Launch meat.
46. Question: What do sweet potatoes do with instruments?
Answer: They have a jam session.
47. Question: What did the tortilla say to the meat and cheese when they were having an argument?
Answer: Let's taco bout it.
Road Trip Jokes for Dads in the Driver's Seat
Taking the family on a road trip can be a lot of work for the guy in the driver's seat. He has to keep his eyes on the road, doesn't get to join in many of the fun car games and activities, and has to figure out something to occupy the long stretch of time. Enter: Road trip dad jokes.
48. Question: Why are elephants such good travelers?
Answer: Because they always have a trunk on hand.
49. Question: What does a witch always look for in a hotel?
Answer: Good broom service.
50. Question: What did the pig say while lying on the beach?
Answer: I am bacon in this hot sun.
51. Question: Why do you never take dogs on road trips?
Answer: They tend to be barkseat drivers.
52. Question: Where do math teachers take road trips to?
Answer: Times Square.
53. Question: How do fleas like to travel?
Answer: They prefer to itch hike.
54. Question: What do you do when you see a fork in the road?
Answer: Stop and have dinner.
55. Question: What do you do when road tripping through Florida traffic?
Answer: Do your best to keep palm and not lose your temper.
56. Question: What did one camper say to the other camper?
Answer: This trip is time well tent.
57. Question: Why did the librarian drive instead of fly to their destination?
Answer: The flight got overbooked.
58. Why do mummies go on so many vacations?
Answer: They just need to unwind.
Cheesy Sports Jokes for Dads Who Love the Game
Break up the big game with a few sports-themed jokes that dads will love telling.
59. Question: Why should you never fall for a tennis player?
Answer: Because to them, love don't mean a thing!
60. Question: Why don't people tell a lot of jokes about baseball?
Answer: Because everything flies right over people's heads.
61 . Question: Why are football stadiums cool?
Answer: Because of all the fans they pack in there.
62. Question: Which athletes are messiest?
Answer: Basketball players. They are notorious for their dribbling.
63. Question: What do basketball players and farmers have in common?
Answer: They know how to handle fouls.
64. Question: What is the favorite snack of basketball players?
Answer: Milk and cookies. They love to dunk their food.
65. Question: Why can't Cinderella ever make a sports team?
Answer: She runs away from the ball.
66. Question: Why do frogs play basketball?
Answer: They have a killer jump shot.
67. Question: What happens when a football player has a problem?
Answer: They tackle them.
68. Question: What is a skeleton's favorite sport?
Answer: Hockey, but they are mostly there for the zam-bony.
69. Question: Why do you want to date a hockey player?
Answer: Dates are never awkward, because they know how to break the ice.
70. Question: What is a grasshopper's favorite sport?
71. Question: What sport do ghosts play?
Answer: Soccer. They are great at being ghoul keepers.
72. Question: Why are basketball players always forgetting where they live?
Answer: Because of all the traveling they do.
Science-Inspired Dad Jokes to Make Kids Laugh and Think
These dad jokes are super sciency ways to get the gang giggling... and thinking! They will drag those smiles out while serving as excellent ways of starting conversations about science.
73. Question: Why did one atom break up with another atom?
Answer: They lacked chemistry.
74. Question: What did the proton say to the neutron?
Answer: Stop being so negative all the time!
75. Question: Why should you never trust an atom?
Answer: They are notorious for making things up.
76. Question: What is a scientist's favorite way to capture their own image?
Answer: With a cell-fie.
77. Question: Why couldn't the moon cover dinner with the sun?
Answer: Because he only had a quarter.
78. Question: What did the planets think of the solar system's new restaurant?
Answer: Great food, not much of an atmosphere.
79. Question: Where do aliens park their cars?
Answer: Parking meteors.
80. Question: Do you by chance know Pavlov?
Answer: Hmmm, not sure, but the name rings a bell.
81. Question: What is the coolest scientific discipline?
Answer: Geology, because it totally rocks.
82. Question: When the tectonic plates bumped into one another what did they say?
Answer: This is all your fault!
83. Question: What do scientist dads always ask their children?
Answer: What is the matter?
84. Question: What did the 90-degree angle say when he got the answer correct?
Answer: I am always right!
85. Question: Why is the moon jealous of the sun?
Answer: It outshines him every day.
86. Question: What was the moon's parenting advice to earth?
Answer: It's just a phase.
87. Question: Why did the neutron get free drinks?
Answer: They were free of charge.
Corny Dad Jokes That Are Perfect for Bedtime
It is time for the kids to hit the sheets, but no one seems to be tired! Close the storybooks and break out a few dad jokes to send the kids to sleep with a smile on their face.
88. Question: Why did the little girl run circles around her bed?
Answer: To catch up on some sleep.
89. Question: What did the mama cow say to the baby cow late at night?
Answer: It is pasture bedtime.
90. Question: What did the lamp say to the table?
Answer: Be quiet! I am a light sleeper.
91. Question: How can you measure how long you sleep?
Answer: By snoozing with a ruler.
92. Question: How did the daddy planet get the baby planet to sleep?
Answer: He rocket.
93. Question: What did the mama bat say to the baby bat who couldn't fall asleep?
Answer: Keep trying and you'll get the hang of it.
94. Question: What is the most tired animal in the savannah?
Answer: The zzzzzebra.
95. Question: What did the bike lying on the ground say to the upright bike?
Answer: I am two tired.
96. Question: What is the hardest household item to fix?
Answer: The kitchen sink. It is very draining.
97. Question: What did the omelet say to the plate?
Answer: I am eggsausted.
98. Question: What do you call a sleeping woodcutter?
Answer: A slumberjack.
99. Question: How do you make sure to have sweet dreams?
Answer: Put a bag of sugar under your pillow.
100. Question: What dinosaur slept the most?
Answer: A Tyrann-o-snore-us.
101. Question: What do scuba divers wear to sleep?
Answer: Pajamas and a snore-kel.
102. Question: What is a little cow's favorite kind of story before bed?
Answer: A dairy tale.
103. Question: What animal has the most trouble falling asleep?
Answer: An insomni-yak.
One-Liners for Dad's Best Comedic Performance
You know he thinks he is on stage, performing jokes for crowds of adoring fans. These one-liners might be good enough to help him get there someday.
104. Joke: To drive an electric car, do you need a "current" license?
105. Joke: I get plenty of exercise. I run my mouth, jump to conclusions, walk a fine line....
106. Joke: Never talk to trees on the account that they tend to be shady.
107. Joke: I had a joke about a book, but it was tearable.
108. Joke: Someone told me to spell part backward, but I wasn't about to fall for that trap!
109. Joke: Never discuss science with a scientist until they pop a few experi-mints.
110. Joke: We won't say which of our three kids is our favorite, but we tell them all they each made the final top three!
Dad Jokes Are Sometimes Funny, Always Well Meaning
It might be tempting to sigh and roll your eyes when your father lets a corny joke rip, but remember, he is telling a joke for the sole purpose of making you smile. True, dad jokes tend to be cheesy, but they are almost always well-intentioned, and we love dads for their great effort. You can return his humor with your own funny dad quotes to make him laugh.