Roughly 16 percent of children in the U.S. live in a blended family that might include a stepsibling or half-sibling. Many families are no longer nuclear in composition, and the family structure is ever-evolving. Learning what stepsiblings and half-siblings are is helpful in understanding modern family dynamics present in society today.
Types of Sibling Relationships
Many American children live in blended families with a stepsibling or half-sibling. The family makeup is so common that a staggering 1,300 blended families are created each day. While these are two types of siblings, you may be wondering, "What are the different kinds of sibling relationships?"
What Are Stepsisters and Stepbrothers?
Stepsiblings have no blood relation but are related through the marriage of one of their parents. For example, Jane is the divorced mother of Alexis and Joe is the divorced father of Brandon. If Jane and Joe get married, Alexis and Brandon would be stepbrother and stepsister.
- Stepsiblings do not share a biological relationship, so they're not blood-related.
- Because they don't share parents biologically, stepsiblings would not be considered "real siblings" by most people.
What Are Half Sisters and Half Brothers?
Half siblings are related by blood through one parent, either the mother or father. For example, in the family above, Jane and Joe are now married, and Alexis and Brandon are stepsiblings. Jane and Joe have a baby together, who they name Sarah. Sarah is the half-sister to both Alexis and Brandon. Sarah is a half-sister to Alexis since they share the same mother but not the same father. Sarah is also the half-sister to Brandon since they share the same father but not the same mother.
- Half siblings are considered "real siblings" by most because the siblings share some biological relationship through their shared parent.
- Half siblings can have the same mother and different fathers or the same father and different mothers.
- Half siblings may share one biological parent, but the marital status of any parent does not affect their relation as half-siblings.
What Are Full Siblings?
Full siblings have both the same biological mother and biological father. Jane and Joe have a second child together, who they name Todd. Like Sarah, Todd is the half-sibling to both Alexis and Brandon. However, Sarah and Todd are full siblings to each other since they share both the same mother and father.
- Full siblings are typically who people refer to as "real siblings" because they share both parents.
- The marital status of any parent does not change the fact that two people are full siblings.
- Full siblings typically refer to each other as simply "sister" or "brother."
What Are Adopted Siblings?
Adopted siblings don't share any biological parents but are legally the children of a shared parent. Continuing the same family example, if Jane and Joe adopt a child named Jen together, Jen would be the adopted sibling of Alexis, Brandon, Sarah, and Todd. While they all legally share at least one parent, Jen doesn't share any biological parents with her siblings.
Sibling Relationships in Blended Families
Living in a blended family with a stepparent, stepsibling, or half-sibling involves some differences compared to living in a traditional family. There are some potential challenges to gaining new siblings, but there are definite benefits too.
Challenges of Stepsibling and Half-Sibling Relationships
Potential challenges for kids who are stepsiblings or half-siblings living in a blended family can include social, emotional, and physical challenges. Not all stepsiblings experience trials and tribulations, and each child's experiences largely depend on the unique makeup of the family and the people in it.
Age Difference Challenges
A large age difference between stepchildren in a family is one potential challenge that blended families must sometimes navigate. Having ten or more years between half-siblings is not uncommon, and it can create some stressors for the children involved. This age difference can make it difficult for half-siblings to develop the same type of relationship they have with full siblings because their needs, interests, and life experiences may not align. Some older half-siblings say they feel more like an aunt or uncle to their new brother or sister than a sibling.
Sibling to Parent Bonding Concerns
It can be difficult on sibling bonding when half-siblings live with different parents. This situation most often happens when the half-sibling relationship is through the father. Children may have a hard time developing the same closeness that they have with their new family members because of the unique living situation they find themselves in.
Sibling to Sibling Bonding Concerns
There is a forced relationship before emotional bonds have been formed. Often, stepsiblings are forced into a relationship with one another before emotional bonds have been fully formed. An older child may have a new baby half-sibling but may not be emotionally ready for the new addition. Half-siblings can sometimes feel that a new sister or brother has been thrust upon them through marriage before the kids were able to establish a friendship, trust, or independent relationship outside of what has been constructed for them through their parents' union.
Feelings of Loss
Many half-siblings experience feelings of new loss when they enter a blended family situation. When parents separate or divorce, children may feel a great loss, mourning their previous family. When a new half-sibling is born, children may re-experience loss as they deal with sharing a parent with another child. If kids are experiencing these emotions, it is key to recognize them, validate their feelings, and help them feel loved, important, and included.
Feelings of Sibling Jealousy
Jealousy can happen when a step-sibling moves into a home where a child already lives with their biological parent. Kids can feel the addition of the new sibling is taking away some of the attention of the parent the child resides with. Feelings of jealousy can be even more profound if the stepsibling lives with the parent that the child is no longer able to live with.
Feelings of No Home
Some half and stepchildren feel like no place is truly home. While many children of separated parents gather a sense that they don't truly have one home, children who have siblings at both parents' homes may feel this more profoundly. When you have loved ones living under different roofs, which roof is home? Children sometimes feel the pressure to identify with one home is too great, and thus they emotionally live in middle ground.
Sibling Order Changes
Loss of "place" in the family can be a challenge for all siblings when the addition of new children mixes up the existing birth order. The oldest child can suddenly find she's not the oldest anymore, and the baby can become a middle child. This loss of "place" in the family can be confusing and cause resentment toward the incoming child.
Benefits of Stepsibling and Half-Sibling Relationships
Potential benefits for half-siblings and stepsiblings sharing a household can be extensive. In some cases, children grow up in a blended family situation and are better for it. While it is often assumed that more negatives than positives dot the blended family experience, don't underestimate the weight of the benefits.
Focus Is on Fun
Many half and stepsiblings note being able to have more of a fun relationship with a new sibling is a great benefit to a blended family. Kids don't just become family, they also become friends. They may be close in age and share friends, likes, and interests, or be farther apart in age and be able to focus on fun instead of sibling rivalry and competition.
Less Sibling Competition
Half-siblings and stepsiblings tend not to show as much competition for individuality with each other since there isn't a need to differentiate between themselves. They came into the family as their unique selves and have an established identity. When this happens, they don't feel a desire to create competition between one another.
New Role Models
Some blended families can develop relationships that benefit everyone. Children may discover that through the marriage of their parents, they have gained a new female or male role model and people that truly become their siblings. Just like any other family relationship, these relationships are lifelong and a great source of comfort and support through the years.
Improvements in Behavior
Many blended families see improvement in children's behavior. Contrary to popular belief, moving into a blended family does not automatically mean children have more behavior problems than children whose parents never divorced. How a child responds to changes in the family has more to do with the quality of parenting and the people in the family than the transition itself.
More People to Love and to Love You
A blended family means new grandparents! Once children get new stepsiblings, they also get new grandparents who will love them, spoil them, and let them do all of the things their parents won't let them do. One can really never have enough enriching grandparents in their life. The more, the merrier!
Helping Siblings Adjust and Bond
There are several things you, as a parent, can do to help all the siblings in your family adjust to their new family and bond with one another. Understand, however, you can't do everything, and you can't force anything. Some relationships will grow naturally, while others may take more time. Do what you can to foster love and kindness between the children in your family structure and help them feel comfortable, safe, and connected.
Encourage Open and Honest Conversations
Talk about everything and don't ignore anything. Let all of your kids talk to you and your spouse about anything that is bothering them. From what they want to call their new stepparent to what they're worried about, these issues are important to your kids, even if they seem silly to you. Be patient and try and guide them as best you can so that they can better work through personal anxieties and stressors that may serve as roadblocks to better bonding.
Ignore Sibling Relationship Titles
Don't force them, but encourage them not to use terms like "step" and "half." The closest, most successful blended families don't differentiate between these relationships. This helps all members to not think of one another differently or as less. If they don't want to call a stepbrother their brother, they can refer to him by name instead.
Create an Environment of Equality
Treat all of the kids equally. Since your history with your kids will be longer than your history with your spouse's kids, treating kids equally might seem challenging. In fact, you may not even realize you are doing it! However, love is love, house rules are house rules, and everyone needs to be treated equally. Reflect on your own behavior and attitudes often and make sure that you are helping to create an environment of equality and respect.
Discipline Your Own Children
Ease your way into a disciplinarian role. Disciplining stepchildren too soon will cause resentment and interfere with bonding. Let the parent of the child discipline at first, and then begin to discipline slowly. Always discuss this process with the child's biological partner first so that the pair of you stay on the same page. Start by verbally correcting inappropriate behavior, for example, long before attempting to remove privileges.
Make One-on-One Time a Priority
Make sure you and your spouse spend time with each child in the family individually as well as together. It is important you build a relationship with your stepchildren, but you don't want to neglect your children in the process. Take stepsiblings out together who have common interests or are close in age. Let each child build a relationship with the other children in the family.
Respect Old Traditions and Create New Ones
Make new traditions together, but don't abandon old traditions. Introduce the new side of the family to existing traditions and encourage them to introduce you and your kids to theirs. Try to build new traditions that are unique to your blended family.
Keep Adult Relationships Positive
Do everything possible to develop a relationship with your stepchildren's other parent. By forming a positive relationship with your stepchildren's mom, for example, your stepchildren won't feel the need to have to pick a "favorite mom." Having a good relationship with your stepchildren's other parent will make the family environment more positive overall.
Consider Your Terminology
People are generally familiar with the terms "stepfamilies," "half-siblings," "broken families," "blended families," "intact families," "traditional families," and "nontraditional families." However, you should think about what these terms imply and whether they are really the terms you want to use. If two children love each other, support each other, and grow up with a relationship unlike what most people have, are they merely "stepsiblings?" If two children share the blood of only one parent, should they be referred to as "half-siblings?" If you remarry, is your family automatically "blended?" When you consider the message you want to send to your children, you may want to remove these terms altogether and choose something new for your family.